Before, she lived inside the fence. Before, she was never allowed to leave the property, never allowed to talk to Outsiders, never allowed to speak her mind. Because Father John controlled everything—and Father John liked rules. Disobeying Father John came with terrible consequences.

But there are lies behind Father John’s words. Outside, there are different truths.

Then came the fire.

Thank you so much to Edelweiss for this ARC! I, much like Will Hill, have been interested in cult phenomena from a young age. I’m not sure if any have really been prominent in media or in my area since I’ve been born, but there are enough references in pop culture, like ‘don’t drink the Kool-Aid’, that has inflamed my imagination. Just the thought that one person could control so many others who had their own free will and were of sound mind is almost unfathomable. In the past couple of years I’ve dived into books and movies that explore this; most on Jonestown. I learned from the acknowledgements in the back of the book that this tale was born from the Waco siege, which I am making a point to look up after I post this review. I was excited to let myself fall into a new narrative, and it did not let me down.

The way this book was set up felt very effective for me. It is told in moments After the fire and Before the fire, and the majority of the Before moments are actually our protagonist telling her therapist and an FBI agent about the compound, her life there, and most importantly, its final days. These transitions flow seamlessly, and by the end there is no stone left unturned. We are given glimpses of the base and the Legion of the Lord by Moonbeam, one of the survivors from the fire. She was presumably taken to an asylum after her ordeal with some of the other children who survived to help her process what had happened to her and to make sure that she was ready for life on the outside. She is assigned to Doctor Hernandez, a kind man who makes it known in ever session how safe and brave she is.

Moonbeam, which is her real name, is at first reluctant to share anything with this outsider. The voice of the Legion’s leader, Father John, still rings in her head and tells her that she is a Heretic and False for even thinking of letting her guard down for this man. This only grows worse when Agent Carlyle steps in, reminding Moonbeam of every bit of poison she had been filled with to believe about the government. Little by little, Moonbeam begins to trust the two men and what starts out as a small trickle of information becomes a raging waterfall as her heart breaks in two from guilt. She is relieved to find out that some of her Brothers and Sisters survived, and is overjoyed to see them again in group therapy.

These children all exhibit different signs of grief and trauma. Luke, a boy with perhaps the deepest faith, begs for them all to stay on the True Path and not give anything up to these outsiders. Honey, of a similar mind like Moonbeam’s, wants the younger children to know that they were lied to and try to prepare them for growing up outside of the base. The smaller kids still spout the lines they were fed by Father John, but as time passes, become more like children again. Watching all of these kids in their recovery is amazing to see as we are regaled with the trials they have been faced with; from starvation to being locked in a metal box in the Texas sun for punishment.

Moonbeam is such an amazing character and I loved reading her story. There were so many moments that she had to go through that I know would have made me sink to my knees and just completely give up. Her connection to her mom made me feel incredibly close to her, and the conclusion of the book had me in tears. I think that this was a stunning undertaking, and you can clearly see all the research that Will Hill did to make this narrative as true as possible for cults everywhere and the victims who escape. I could not have asked for a better read.

5/5 stars